i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
