i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
