Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
