just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
