living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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