Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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