i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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