I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found your dick twin last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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