people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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