Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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