Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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