how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
