I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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