these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
