watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
