You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
