Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
