remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
