So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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