dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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