Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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