my phone needs a breathalizer
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
