she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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