i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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