I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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