I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
