he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
