watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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