Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
