If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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