Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
