is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
