I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
