i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
