I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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