I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Who died my cat blue again?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
