I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
