she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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