And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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