I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
