She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
