so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
