K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
