Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
