i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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