So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
