I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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