I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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