dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
