Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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