I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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