I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
