and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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