I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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