whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
