dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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