Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we made out on top of his cat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
