as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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