You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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