I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
