Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
