you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
