On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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